I am sure, we all have heard, “excess of everything is bad”. I do agree..it is! Out of proportion anything is bad, like sugar or salt in food, traffic & smoke on road, too much money in pocket ,too much love ,too much time on gadgets, sometimes too much talking can also cost you(so silence is said to be golden).
We all love our children..don’t we?I also love my son but sometimes,I admit,it feels as if I have lost it..I am expected to keep my calm all the time but it’s truly difficult yet possible…we all face moments of anger but truth is,even if we are angry, we parent never forget that we love our children. Then how do we show them that we love them?Some might say it aloud,some might shower child with presents,some might never say no,out of love and there might me some who try to balance: say no when needed along with proper love and care(authoritative parenting).Research findings support authoritative parenting as the best parenting style.
It can be shown as- Rules without Relationship= Rebellion Relationship without Rules= Chaos Relationship + Rules= Respect + Responsibility
Child ‘X’ is 8 years old. Parents have provided whatever child asked for. Child has open access to mobile anytime of the day. As a result, now he is always on mobile. As reported, he has started throwing things, crying, using loud words since sometime. It happens when he is asked to do something else other than passing time on mobile. Parents stopped asking child to leave mobile to avoid his problematic behaviour. What’s happening here? Unknowingly, his problem behaviour has been reinforced. Are we doing good to our children when we fulfill all their demands? No..not quite right. I know it’s difficult to say no to our children because we all love them and don’t want to see them sad but look at it from different perspective- Because we love our children, we might need to say no, as and when required to say so, to make them understand the importance of value & beliefs in our lives. Parenting can be fun..real fun!! For that ,Few pointers to keep in mind which might help to ease the process of doing most challenging job: Parenting-
# parents tensed mood might get manifested on their children so, try to relax to stay calm(relaxation, exercise, practicing mindfulness in daily life, practicing meditation might help)
# keep your mental as well as physical health needs,as your top most priority(seek a professional help,if required..it’s okay to seek help)
# children learn more from your actions than from what you teach so, be careful of what you do…child is always watching.(Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk- Carl Jung)
# educate child about the difference between needs and wants,about age related issues,about life skills to handle failure ,emotions, stressful situations,…list is never ending..
#be assertive..it’s okay if you say no to you child. Saying no is not equal to saying I don’t love you.
#focus on spending quality time with you child.Child doesn’t need your ‘presents’,child needs your ‘presence’
#respect your child as a growing individual.Take active interest in her/his life and what’s important for her/him(it might be silly for you but not for your child)
#take out time once a week to sit with your child to talk in-depth about her/his life
#convey loud and clear through your actions that you are there for your child in difficult situations too.She/he can share anything with you without fear and hesitation
#monitor and supervise your child on day to-day basis(sometimes,easy access to gadgets is used as an outlet when alone,bored,sad,unable to make friends in real world,feels left out-it turns into a dependency. It is another issue which will be discussed soon)
I have heard lot of times that it was easy to handle children of previous generation.I agree but there is a difference.I would say children are same-as innocent as earlier.Difference is the environment they are growing in and it’s influence on them. So,Let’s be a parent warrior who has been given most challenging job of parenting their children in present environment. An apt quote given by Doug Flanders,MD
“No parent can child-proof the world.A parent’s job is to world -proof the child.”
Thank you so much for your time and patience. Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed reading my post, please like, follow, share and comment & thanks again for visiting my page. You can also find me at pausementalwellnessstudio(facebook page),linkedin,twitter and quora
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Pallavi Sahu, Psychologist